The Irish Rail Man

[This monologue can be done by men from late twenties through 'senior citizen.' It is spoken to a boy or relatively young teen-ager. Younger auditioners will find a recommended paragraph omission in the body of the monologue below. This omission will not effect continuity. Dialect is optional. Patterns of Irish speech and slang are contained within the monologue which may be found in first, second, or even third generation Irish immigrants. Thus, it may be delivered with or without dialect. A version written in 'true' dialect may be released at a later date.]

[Background: This monologue is based on the true story of a one-day competition between the eastern [predominantly Irish] and western [predominantly Chinese] labor crews that laid the transcontinental railway in the 1860's. ]

In the year eighteen hundred and sixty-nine these hands, and the hands of seven others – all of us from County Cork – was the hands that lifted the most steel rails that had ever been laid in one day.

We were the team from the east. Our boss bet that us eight ‘paddies’ could lay more rail in one day than the Chinamen comin’ from the west.

Blessed Mother, was it ever hot that day. An’ us – eight lads come from Ireland where the sun shines on the odd Tuesday. Imagine comin’ from an island that God’s been usin’ for a rain bucket and findin’ yourself under a blisterin’ Kansas sun with not so much as a tree to piss under!

Let me tell you – each rail weighed a thousand pounds. We were in two teams of four men each. Four of us would pick up a rail using these big sharp tongs. God -- just tellin’ it now – I can feel the tong’s handle in me hands – slick with me sweat. It bit into me hand and tried to slide out of me hand at the same time.
So – a’fore we picked up a rail, I’d scoop up a handful of gravel and dirt, just like this [bends and scoops] and then – just like this – I’d grind and grind me hands until the gravel was ground right into me calluses.

[gives a glance, obviously responding to a question]

Why? -- Well, it dried the palms a bit, don’t you know – and it gave us a better grip.
Anyways, we’d grab our tongs and lift that rail and walk some hundred feet and lay it in the bed. Rail after rail – for mile after mile.

And at the end of the day – we’d beaten the Chinamen! Goddammit we did! Over ten miles of rail, we’d laid -- A record that’ll never be broke!

[Younger auditioners can omit the following paragraph and still keep the continuity of the monologue]

But today? Accchhh! – today a laborin’ man can’t be a man no more. T’ unions are spreadin’ everywhere. An’ I know that we need them, an' all... But I tell y’uh – I still can’t read a book – but I can read a man – an I’ve read a lot of ‘em….. – The men runnin’ these unions are gonna cut the balls off these young men, son. They started by protectin’ the men from abuse by these ‘robber barons.’ They’re gonna finish by protectin’ these young men from a hard day’s work.

[Younger auditioners can continue from this point]

Y'uh know, son, there's a type of man - an' I've met me share - who takes pride in doin’ as little as possible. That kind of pride is the pride of the thief.

[pause] ..... But I'll tell y'uh, son - a man doesn’t know who he is or what he can do until the day he does all that he possibly can. And on that day son – on that day, he earns his pride as a man.